We are often disappointed, hurt, or upset by the behavior of friends, family, co-workers or strangers, or we find their behavior or appearance odd.
Does this self-talk sound familiar to you?
“She should have called me. She is so self-centered!” “He forgot to buy bread. He always lets me down. Why doesn’t he focus? He doesn’t care!” “This freak drives like crazy! What an idiot!” “The waiter is so rude! I will complain to his boss, this is unacceptable!" "My boss likes my colleague more, he praised him today but not me!”
Judging others is poison for our mental and physical health as it is causing immense stress!
It doesn’t help to resolve the situation with that person and causes more negative energy! This vicious circle of thoughts is consuming the time that we need for creating a peaceful, relaxed life.
“Do you want to be right or happy?”
This quote by Gerald G. Jampolsky helps me a lot whenever I find myself judging someone. And we might not even be right.
Maybe your boss wasn’t just focused that day when he didn't praise you. Maybe your friend had a super busy day when she didn't call. That freaky driver must have problems because otherwise, he wouldn't feel the need to drive so aggressively. Maybe the waiter is very stressed and tired as he has trouble at home and after finishing work he had to take over the shift of a colleague. Maybe your spouse was daydreaming about your next holiday when he forgot to buy the bread. Or maybe you were right but the negative thought of judging affects your mood now and your day is ruined.
Wouldn’t it be wiser to train ourselves to replace judgment with a better feeling thought?
Judging quickly and often is a habit. Habits can be changed once we are aware of our thoughts and of course willing to change!
How can we change those judgmental thoughts?
Let’s pause when we find ourselves in this situation and find some positive aspects about the person who is triggering our bad feelings. Let’s find situations where we acted similarly and were not perfect as well. Let’s decide to feel more compassionate and send them loving energy instead of judgmental thoughts.
A friend told me that she is absolutely not able to find any positive thoughts when it comes to a co-worker. She assured me that there was no positive aspect since that woman was a selfish, horrible person. I told her to imagine how this woman is nice to her husband or kids, that she wants to be loved like all of us, and that she got hurt in her life as well.
Letting go of judgment doesn't mean that we become victims or accept certain behavior! Changing our judgmental thoughts means that we don't want to engage in negative mind loops and feel stressed. We need to take responsibility for what we think! Every thought is creative! Choosing positive thoughts will always change our situation for the better.
Life experiences are mirrors of what we believe to be true – that’s why consciously or subconsciously you are part of the situation for a reason. And very often those people suddenly change their behavior or disappear from our lives because your new positive energy affects theirs, too - we are all connected.
It all starts with us. We have to change on the inside to see changes on the outside!
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